So, this train of thought started today while listening to “Flowers” by Miley Cyrus. When I first heard it, I loved the song; it’s a feminist statement about how capable we are as women and about how we don’t need men. In the music video Miley even performs a dramatization of how she becomes the man she needs by taking off her dress and putting on a men’s suit. We live in a society that advocates independence and self sufficiency for women. And, though I am a woman with Christian values, I do advocate for equality. But, it got me thinking…

I am indeed an independent single woman who pays her own bills, trips and even birthday gifts, but do I want to? I’ve recently started pondering; playing with the idea of maybe I don’t have to. Maybe all this ‘trauma’ from idiotic men that I’ve been holding onto, maybe I can let it go? Maybe opening myself up to love, or the possibility of it, isn’t a sign of weakness? They speak so fondly of strong women, not knowing what it took to make us this strong.  I saw a quote on Instagram, one of the ladies that I follow said; “I don’t want to be a strong woman anymore; I want to be able to be vulnerable, imperfect, and still be loved, accepted and valued”. That’s what is though, we, as a society, don’t value vulnerability. Not even in women it seems.

Society has fed the machine called; The Independent Single Woman. Telling us we don’t need men. We can do it all. And I believe we don’t and we can. But do we always want to? I grew up in a traditionally Christian home, where dad worked and mom stayed home with the kids. And I have no problem with the dynamic. It wasn’t until some immature idiot broke me that I decided to go about life by myself. I find that’s the pattern, a man who is incapable of loving you correctly hurts you and we decide that we don’t need them anymore.

Now, if you are an independent single woman, who was never jaded by a man, I salute you. But I am talking about my personal experience and how my past trauma has made me who I am today. And though there’s so much I’ve gained by being independent… So, in the wise words of William Shakespeare; “Ay, there’s the rub…” There’s the friction. There’s a contradiction. There’s the problem. The statistics don’t lie. The strong independent woman is at an all time high. In America alone, there are now more independent black, educated women in the world than ever before. We are the product of what society has fed us to believe.

So, has this been to our detriment? Or maybe, just maybe there’s a balance? Maybe I can be both…?