(The inside scoop to dating in your 30’s)
When I was twenty-five I was in my last serious relationship. I had reunited with my high-school-sweetheart and I thought we were going to get married. We were together for about two years. We had spoken about marriage several times. Our first Christmas together he bought me a promise ring. I was young and naive and I believed this would be my happy ending. Life would prove how unmistakably wrong I was. He became distant and I soon realized, and ended things. Months later, I was working at a hair salon part-time (as a university student). And in waltzes ‘him’, with a girl who’s is just about ready to give birth the salon floor (that’s how pregnant she was, probably like 8 months, give or take). I was disappointed and relieved in a sense because, at least now, I had an explanation. And I could get closure.
It was a difficult breakup. Not because of ‘him’ but because of me. I thought I had what I wanted and what I wanted disappointed me. So, I was left doubting myself. Doubting my instincts, my goals, my dreams. I was left reevaluating myself as a person. You know how they say that you can lose yourself in another person? You can, and I did. I was lost. I loved him unconditionally, relentlessly, unapologetically. It took me seven years to find myself again. In those seven years I learnt to know myself and my worth.
By that time I was thirty two. The dating game had changed completely but I was determined to put myself out there. Thank God for dating Apps, what would we do without them? I have dated quite a bit since then but, it’s all hit and miss. I am a hopeless romantic at heart. I still hope that I’ll find my prince charming but I’m not banking on it. My plans are not dependant on whether or not I get married. And yes, my plans can be adjusted if need be. They are not dependent on anyone except myself. I am open to love because I am open to new possibilities. But it is no longer the ‘be all and end all’. I’m still a romantic, but a realist at the same time. Very well aware of what I bring to the table.
Today I am thirty five on the precipice of thirty six. Aging like fine wine (wink, wink) Still putting myself out there, then feeling emotionally exhausted and taking some time for myself afterwards to recuperate. This cycles seems to continue time and time again. But, in an ideal world, I would have someone to share my hopes and dreams with, someone to share my fears with. But, I am aware of how important ‘seasonal’ friendships and relationships are. And how they play an integral part in our evolution as a ‘self’. It doesn’t make it less difficult though. But, coming to terms with the fact that even ‘seasonal’ love is sometimes what you needed at that given time, is how I find the silver lining in all of it. (Carrie Bradshaw also helps quite a bit and so does Jesus). But, being ‘self’ aware is still the key.
6mos7w